Sunday, July 03, 2005

"Leaked Memo" from "Teddy Kennedy" to President Bush on How to Get the US OUT of Iraq NOW

July 4th, 2005

Dear George,

I know we don't often agree, but there is no harm in my trying to persuade you that there is a time-proven strategy for getting our troops out of the quagmire that is Iraq today.

I call it my "Chappaquiddick Strategy," and it goes like this:

First, we cannot IMPOSE our will on the Iraqi people: If they want to be free, let them be free. I mean after all, It's their choice. Take a page from my Chappquiddick playbook: Look I could not be SURE that MaryJo was drowning -- after all, I couldn't hear any cries for help. Additionally, even if she was in danger of drowning, how was I supposed to KNOW she didn't prefer to drown? Who was I to impose my will on her like some sort of "cowboy"?

Second, don't go it alone! We have got to remember that we should have the help of the neighbors in Iraq. The French and the Germans are not helping. Neither are the Jordanians or the Egyptians. Same thing at Chappaquiddick: I was ALONE out there and was not able to find the neighbors so that we could hold a town meeting and pass a resolution to save MaryJo. So, I very wisely refrained from any unilateral action that might have hurt my reputation in the area for years to come.

Third, you need a good EXIT PLAN. You need to look for the daylight -- and, at the earliest opportunity -- pull our troops out! Again: Remember Chappaquiddick: I got the window open and ZOOM, I am out of that sunken car so fast it would make your head swim!

Fourth, you need to apologize to the countries of American and Iraq on live television with tears in your eyes, the day after you pull out of Iraq. Sure, it might be a disaster for a million or so Iraqis who end up in the wrong place at the wrong time. Sure, it will be a disaster for those families whose sons and daughters have given life and limb in the battle for Iraq, but, hey, you can always say, that you didn't KNOW it would be this costly and that you never MEANT any harm. Remember the tears in your eyes, okay? Again: Look at Chappaquiddick: I got on national TV the next day with tears in my eyes, and in so many words, I said, "Hey, I never meant to do anybody any harm!" And, the suckers, I mean the American people, actually BOUGHT that line.

Mr. President, I know what I am talking about: I have a proven track record. If you follow my Chappaquiddick Strategy in Iraq, we will be out of there in no time, and the media will tell everyone to forgive you.

All the best,

Teddy

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